Peevishness

So, we all have pet peeves. I'm sure you have your share. You know, things like drivers who cut you off, misspelled signs, or a GPS that says it's taking you to a Dairy Queen, only to bring you to, well, not a Dairy Queen.

I did not get a Peanut Buster Parfait.

But that's not the pet peeve I'd like to share with you today. No, this is a much larger problem. Worldwide, in fact.

I'm talking about gravity.

Yes, friends, gravity. It's one of my pet peeves. At this point some of you will try and explain to me the various benefits of gravity. And I suppose, yes, there are some good things. Like keeping iced tea in my glass, instead of all over everything.

I'm just not sure that outweighs the stuff that drives me crazy.

Perhaps it would be easier if gravity didn't seem out to get me. But it seems any time I try to do anything, every inanimate object in my general vicinity falls to the ground. If I try to get lotion from the cabinet in the bathroom, the hairspray will come tumbling to the ground. Hand soap? Well, just trying to use that causes Hubba Hubba's deodorant to fly across the room.

By this point you're thinking that my bathroom is just too cluttered. There may be something too that theory, especially if you saw the size of my bathroom. But let's think about some of gravity's other pitfalls.

Like when I fall down. I think that's more the fault of gravity than any clumsiness on my part. It can't be my fault when I'm walking down the street, perfectly innocent, no obstacles, and suddenly, out of nowhere, gravity pulls me down to the ground.

And let's think about the fact that if we lived on, say, Pluto, I'd weigh next to nothing. Of course, then people who weighed even less than next to nothing would then come up with some new system of weights and measures, rather than having to resort to decimals, so I'd end up weighing something like 45, 000 Plutomagrams, or something.

Gravity.

It's not your friend.